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'Guardian' - A poem of impact of counselling

25 Jan 2016

A beneficiary of Nexus and Together For You writes a moving poem of the help gained through counselling.

'Guardian'

Now I know what death is like. Someone once let me visit.
Delicacy covered my eyes and memories crawled beneath my eyelids.
Death is a place where memories become a life you lived, where breaths become what kept you alive and immortality becomes who you are.
Life is stranger than the dark, stranger than a place you know like the back of your hand.
Life is a place where fears are realized into the present. A place where death would be taken into consideration.
Death is like a peaceful dream, then when you wake up and come back to life, you open your eyes to a horrific nightmare.
Life is like a bad dream sometimes, then when you close your eyes to hide from it,
you can choose whether or not to live in the darkness, or simply turn the lights on and face your inner demons.
 
Coming here for the second time,
And taking a massive step on asking for help once again;
I almost backed out.
But then I got a phone call from a woman who I knew was going to pull me out of the dark burrow I'd fallen into.
For months, she had given me her hand so many times and I felt protected.
I realised that I was more than what HE had made me.
I wasn't going to let myself suffer in the dark any longer,
And I became my own lantern.
HE had already taken so much from my childhood,
And I was exactly where HE wanted me.
It's now time to bring myself back and by not being afraid,
I will make sure HE is exactly where I want him.
 
I know they say, finding who you're supposed to be is the hardest thing in the world.
It's not.
I believe we all know who we really are,
Losing yourself and trying to get back to who you used to be, is the hardest thing in the world.
I don't think we build our personality as we get older,
I think every time it's taken from us, we have to build something to fill the emptiness inside ourselves.
I think the reason we are the way we are in the end, isn't because we lost ourselves.
It's because we patched ourselves up with every piece of our old selves we could find.
 
I now know not to rely on fictional characters to save me because I am the only one who can.
Supervillians don't exist in movies,
They are the reason we ever saw the blue sign at the front door.
Superheroes don't exist in comics,
They exist at nexus;
And they are the strongest justice league in the world.
 
And nothing I do could ever be enough, to show them how thankful and grateful I am,
For fighting away my enemies.
But with my entire heart and soul, I hope she knows.

I won't say goodbye, because superheroes are never gone. 

Nexus NI offer specialist trauma counselling for survivors of sexual violence, abuse and rape. The counselling is available for young people aged 16-26.

For further information contact 028 9032 6803 or email info@nexusni.org 

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